Blind Faith
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: Ever since he was a small boy, faith was a strong part of their lives, it was the example set by their parents and carried on into adulthood. So to now sit here questioning his own inner faith was somehow...disturbing. Post ep 4.05 'Lost & found' 'Contains spoilers' Missing Jamie/Danny Scene


**Title: Blind Faith**

**Summary:** Jamie needed to talk but not to a priest or in a wooden box. Father knows best and so sends the real shoulder for Jamie to cry on and help him regain his faith – in himself. Post ep 4.05 'Lost & found' 'Contains spoilers' Missing Jamie/Danny Scene

**Disclaimer: ** Um you know by now write? Lol I own nothing but my hard working muse Alice.

**A/N:** Okay I know its been forever since I've posted a Blue Bloods one shot and thought I'd try something with this one. I know I'm sooooo rusty at these missing broment scenes but I hope you all like it a little! And yes okay so I get Frank arranging for his son to talk to a priest about faith but for some of us talking to family can be just as powerful and helpful if not more so and for me that's Danny and hope that's okay.

_Words in "double quotes and italics taken directly from the eppy"_

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_"Jamie, I just got a text. You know that collar you asked me to look into?"_

_"Yeah, Greg Bayliss."_

_"He hung himself this morning…at Riker's. I'm so sorry."_

_"Damn."_

_"You okay?"_

_"Yeah…may he rest in peace."_

Throughout dinner he had wrestled with his thoughts about faith and why he even cared so much about just another guy – Greg Bayliss taking his life; a guy he had only met for only a few tense moments in a very strained situation. He sees himself in his undercover suit…holding his gun…begging with Greg to drop his weapon. He didn't shoot…he couldn't…in that moment he didn't want to use deadly force. Life had dealt Greg a rotten hand and he was allowing pure emotion to dictate his rash actions. And while some would have dismissed it as nothing but a petty criminal act such as the other DA, he got it…he had been engaged and while he wasn't left at the alter as suddenly as Greg Bayliss had been he…got it. Something inside just clicked and he wanted to help him.

Ever since he was a small boy, faith was a strong part of their lives, it was the example set by their parents and carried on into adulthood. So to now sit here questioning his own inner faith was somehow...disturbing. How could Greg Bayliss have affected him like this in such a short period of time? So much so that he was actually telling himself he lacked faith. For that he should feel guilty but he didn't. He felt...numb. Lost. Defeated. Why?

He had arrested others before but unless he was involved with them directly in a case he just let it slide. With Greg he couldn't. Part of him wanted to keep his word to Greg, get him a hearing and then get him some real help. _What can I do? I mean really…Sydney left me when…it's not really the same, _he tries to convince himself as he looks back down at his meal, looking up to see Danny watching with a soft frown. He looks at his father and then sister and gets the same look back – pity. Or so he told himself. It was the one look he hated, even if they would disguise the expression as tender family concern. It was still pity. And they were taught from young children to not accept pity or allow it to justify who they were. It was their creed.

But sometimes it also meant they keep things bottled up inside more than they should. Suffered in silence for the greater good. Tonight was one of those times.

"Hey kid…you were quieter than normal tonight. Heard you had quite the takedown," Danny mentions to Jamie as they both end up in the kitchen in the same time after dinner.

"Tired," Jamie looks up at Danny, offering him a tight lipped smile before he takes his leave, calling out goodnight before he disappears into the cool night air.

"What's up with him?"

"You missed the news earlier," Frank informs his son; Danny having stepped out of the room when Erin told Jamie what happened to his collar. "The young man that Jamie arrested earlier, took his own life in Riker's a few hours ago. Your brother…is taking it a bit harder than expected."

"Did he know this guy?" Danny wonders.

"Not that I know of. His fiancé left him at the alter and he tried to get his money back for the ring, but he did it at gunpoint. Jamie was in the store undercover for another reason and that's where he met Greg Bayliss. From what Erin said Jamie reasoned with him and offered him some legal help. And to Jamie the DA's case was too harsh so he wanted Erin to try to see if she could get a reduced sentence. I guess it wasn't enough."

"Now all that lack of faith talk makes sense," Danny mutters as he looks at his father in concern. "Damn…he hung himself?"

"Drastic measures for something that would have earned him basically a slap on the wrist," Frank huffs as he looks at Danny with a heavy frown. "I'm worried."

"Yeah I can tell."

"He's faced a lot lately and he needs…"

"A trip to the gun range," Danny half smirks.

"He needs something a bit more subtle but just as effective."

"You want me to go talk to him?"

"Was hoping you'd say that."

"Course you were," Danny smirks as he slaps his father on the back as he turns to leave. "And then I'll take him to the gun range."

"Was hoping you'd say that," Frank whispers as he offers Danny's back a knowing smile.

XXXXXXXX

_'I'm sorry Jamie…I took a job in London…England. I'm leaving next week. I…just don't think this will work. I'm sorry.'_

"Sorry," Jamie whispers as he continues his slow walk down the quiet, darkened neighborhood, away from their family home toward the busy city streets a few blocks ahead. He shoves his hands further into his jacket pockets, wishing that he had brought a light scarf with him or even a warmer coat.

_'Help me…_' Jamie hears Greg's voice calling out to him and feels his face wince heavily. _Just keep myself busy, _Jamie tells himself as he makes a plan to hit the courts tomorrow and play some hoops and just keep himself out of his apartment and busy.

As he slowly wanders down the darkened street, he becomes aware of a car coming up behind him at a slower pace than normal. He tells himself that maybe the driver was looking for a specific address and keeps going; his mind lost in thought about Greg Bayliss having no other option but to hang himself in his temporary incarceration. _He hadn't hurt anyone…he let the hostages go…he was emotionally distraught and allowed his anger to dictate his actions…why didn't he…_Jamie's mind finally snaps back as he hears determined footsteps behind him.

"Whoa kid it's me!" Danny mentions in haste as he holds up his hands in surrender as Jamie's fist balls and he turns around ready to fight.

"Danny!" Jamie gasps as he looks at his brother in shock; his eyes darting from the empty car back to his brother's determined expression and steps back. "What the hell…you could have called out or something."

"I did. Your head was in the clouds…or wherever," Danny lightly sighs. "Either that or you need a hearing aid already."

"I'm fine. I don't need a ride," Jamie nods as he turns to leave. "Goodnight."

"Hey wait a sec," Danny hurries to catch up as Jamie stops walking once more.

"What's going on Danny?"

"You tell me," Danny retorts as Jamie shrugs and looks away.

"Nothing…tough case and…you know what," Jamie turns back to Danny with a tight lipped smile. "It's okay."

"What happened with the case?"

"You were…"

"I left the room," Danny reminds him with a small smirk. "What happened? Come on…indulge me."

"Danny…" Jamie groans.

"Not leaving until you do," Danny grins.

"He uh…he hung himself," Jamie lightly stammers as he offers Danny a wistful frown. "These things happen right? I mean he…he was just some guy and yeah it sucks but…maybe he's at peace now. You should get back."

"Yeah it sucks, but he died and you're broken up about this guy for some reason. Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really," Jamie replies with a small chirp. "I got this Danny okay? I'm okay. This guy…he…I'm okay."

"Okay."

Jamie turns on his heel and takes a few steps; Danny watching with concern as he takes one step of his own and stops. "I was him."

"What?"

"Sydney left me," Jamie mentions in a low tone as his shoulder slump. "I remember feeling loss and despair and…just low you know?"

"You didn't go berserk," Danny reminds him tenderly.

"I tried to reason with him," Jamie continues. "I tried to get through to him. Find common ground. We're taught that on day one. It's so…so basic…so simple and I thought if I could get the gun away from him I could show him that there's a lot more that he could look forward to."

"You did your best kid," Danny takes a step closer. "But that's not what's really bothering you is it?"

"Danny…"

"Come on tell me. It's cold and dark out here and I'm freezin' my butt off but I'm not leaving until you tell me the truth."

"When Vinny died and I leaned in as he took his last breath he…Danny he told me to make him proud. Those were his last words. And the past few months…I don't feel like I've made anyone proud."

"Jamie…"

"Look I don't know how to….never mind."

"Hey wait a sec…" Danny gently grabs Jamie's arm and pulls him back. "How did you let him down?"

"I got suspended…a guy died…one…all that talk about faith. Put it into your own words and thoughts…I have none okay!" Jamie growls as he turns to the side. "Maybe it's blind faith…I don't know anymore."

"Yes you do. What is it?"

"That could have been me!" Jamie hisses as he turns back with anger flashing in his warm eyes. "When Sydney left I was low."

"You weren't low enough to do something that stupid."

"Nice at…"

"Damn it, wait!" Danny groans as he hurries after Jamie.

"Danny I'm okay. He was angry…he took a gun to a jewelry story…I saw the proof. I know what he did. He took the cowardly way out."

"Doesn't make it any less painful though, right?" Danny gently urges.

"No," Jamie agrees with a small huff. "I thought for sure I could reach him. I was going to go and see him tomorrow but now…how I can do my job if I don't have faith in myself. You want to know what part of my faith is waning? It's faith in myself! I was there, you weren't. I got him to listen to me and then…it meant nothing! He took his life. Whatever I said…"

"You weren't responsible for his actions," Danny tries to reason.

"It all meant nothing!"

"I know it sucks but…hey look at me…I've been there okay? Guys on tour or on the force…you're raw. I get that okay? I get that."

"You weren't there."

"No I wasn't."

"You didn't hear…the desperation in his voice. He just wanted to get rid of the ring, the reminder of what hurt him so much. Just a simple refund. I got it okay? He wasn't just spouting nonsense, what he said made sense – to me. In that moment that's what mattered. I got what he was saying. I wanted to help."

"You did your best. I know you did and that's why this hurts you so much."

"If he only had listened…and waited. I could have talked to him and maybe…maybe it would have been okay. The other DA went and all he heard from him was black and white. This guy…Danny you didn't hear him. He wanted to nail Greg to the wall and he…he didn't deserve that. If Erin had gotten there first this wouldn't have happened. Greg…he'd be alive."

"Yeah…or maybe not," Danny retorts as Jamie looks at him with a defeated expression. "You couldn't have predicted his actions just like you couldn't have predicted Sydney's."

"What would you have done?"

"It's not my call."

"Tell me."

"As a cop? I would have done the same as you."

"No as the prosecuting DA?"

"That isn't fair."

"Why not?" Jamie argues back.

"Because your reasoning made sense. Maybe this guy was looking for one more case to make his count…maybe he was just black and white with everything maybe…I don't know okay? Look I agree with you. Erin wasn't the person in charge of the case and even if she was…this isn't your fault."

"Maybe everything should be based on blind faith."

"Why?"

"Then it wouldn't hurt so much when we have proof the system doesn't work," Jamie huffs as he looks at Danny and shakes his head. "I wanted to save him."

"I know you did," Danny leans in closer as his arm wraps around Jamie's shoulders and then slowly leads him back toward the car; Jamie absently following. "You did all you could. You were probably the only one that gave a damn and that means something."

"To who? Greg?"

"Maybe. But it means something to you and that's what counts."

"Really?"

"Sure. Well at least that's what Linda keeps telling me," Danny gently smirks as they reach the car. "Don't lose your faith in yourself or the system. You've had some tough luck the past few months but if anything, it's made you stronger and a better cop. And that means less for me to worry about," he concludes by patting Jamie on the back. "Now get in."

"I don't need a ride home Danny," Jamie groans as he mechanically slumps down into the front seat.

"Good because we're not going home. Now get in," Danny tells him firmly as Jamie looks up in surprise. "Talking was dad's idea. There I confessed it," he chuckles. "Now I'm going to let you experience some Danny Reagan therapy."

"I don't want a drink."

"I'm broke," Danny counters.

"Ok-ay. Should I be afraid?"

"Trust me," Danny looks over with a grin. "It'll help you sleep better at night. Linda said that whole thing about faith and putting it into your own words and thoughts but sometimes…sometimes actions speak louder than words."

"Where are we going?"

"Patience grasshopper," Danny teases as Jamie gives him a tense nod and then falls silent for a few minutes. "Jamie?"

"I'm okay I just…I knew nothing about him but it feels like I let him down. Stupid right?"

"Nah…feelings are never stupid."

"Dad told you that," Jamie gently chuckles as Danny nods and grins.

"Hey it was either that or read you a fortune cookie."

"Shoulda taken the fortune cookie."

"Hey," Danny offers a mock grumble as Jamie snickers. But the faces turn a bit more serious as they reach their destination and stop.

"Danny?"

"This is how I blow off a bit of steam. Come on," Danny entreats as he gets out of his car and walks toward the back door of the police academy gun range.

"Been a while since I was here," Jamie comments as he falls into step after his brother.

"Good memories?"

"Had a great time here. You?"

"Couldn't wait to graduate and get a real gun in my hands," Danny counters as Jamie smirks and nods. The two of them enter and head toward the clerk; Danny flashing his badge, prompting Jamie to do the same.

"You guys here to check the place out?"

"Actually….we're here to practice," Danny pauses as he looks over at Jamie. "We need two."

The clerk looks at the badge names and then up at the two serious faces, wondering if the experienced officers before him were joking or actually serious. But after a few seconds he shrugs and then pulls out two training weapons and two magazines with empty training bullets and then hands them the page to sign in.

"Come on…" Danny hands Jamie his own training weapon. "We'll see who can hit the target most. Then the loser buys the other a beer."

"Just one?"

"Yeah just one," Danny nods seriously. "We have a fishing trip tomorrow right?"

"Are you seriously going to try to fish Danny?" Jamie asks weakly as Danny looks at him with a frown.

"Careful or I'll use you as a live target."

"Ha ha," Jamie deadpans as they both fall into step beside each other. Within minutes they are both in gear, the paper targets a few meters away and their weapons loaded. Danny empties his clip and then watches Jamie. At first Jamie hesitates between shots, his lips uttering small grunts, curses and heated phrases before he lets it go and aims at the middle target; emptying his clip and then looking at Danny with an expression of relief.

"Well?"

"I think…I won."

"What? No way Harvard," Danny snickers as Jamie shakes his head.

"Round two?"

"A beer and a shot then," Danny ups the wager as they both reload and ask for another paper target. At the end of his second clip, Jamie's lips had uttered a few more angry expressions and felt his agitation starting to dissipate. He didn't expect, as he's sure none of them did, that after only one night he'd be one hundred percent okay. But it was a start.

"Two out of three?"

Danny can only nod weakly as he knows it's not Jamie's aim that needs the practice, this was his therapy….his confession; with each bullet that left the chamber it carried with it all his frustrated anger and emotional misery into the target and into the air. That's what all that counted to all of them. Jamie was hurting…he was questioning his faith and he was questioning himself. But now…it was all out in the open, it was the start that Jamie needed; the little urge to get it out in the open and talking about. Whether to his brother…or to himself as he unloaded his training weapon.

"Best three out of five?"

"Okay but after this you'll owe me a case," Danny grins as he slaps Jamie on the back.

"How about I show you how to fish tomorrow instead?"

"Trust me I'm not as bad as you all think I am. I'll surprise you all."

"I have faith."

"Oh really," Danny shakes his head as Jamie chuckles.

"No you suck at fishing," Jamie teases.

"Okay, that's it, best five out of seven."

"You're on."

Jamie feels the tension continuing to fade as he stands beside his brother, each of them raising their guns at the same time and firing. He felt bitter and jaded after supper and was raw inside…telling himself that nothing would help and he was okay – he didn't need to unload in some stuffy therapy session. But being here with Danny was just what the doctor ordered. It wasn't a quick fix nor would it be professionally prescribed, but it was what was needed in that moment. His father knew. That help from his family…that genuine attention and loving concern did more to restore his faith in himself than words could ever express. As long as they kept to their other creed – never letting one of them suffer in silence for too long he'd be okay in the long run, they all would.

**THE END!**

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**A/N:** thoughts? Hopefully it was okay. I know The Guardian just updated so sorry to bombard with so much Blue Bloods so soon but I hope its okay and you liked it a little. Please do review before you go and thanks.


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